Be a badass, not a dumbass

This is where I hope someone can learn from my mistakes.

Here’s what I know. There’s being a badass, and pushing yourself to new heights, working through discomfort to reach your goals. And then there’s being a dumbass, ignoring your body’s signals that something is not right and to Stop Now.

In trying to be more and more of a badass, I crossed the line into dumbass. My coach is taking it easier on me than I deserve, saying I didn’t know and shouldn’t blame myself, but really. I’m a grown-up. I know when something hurts, and I should have the self-control and sense to stop when something is wrong. To not go into a workout in pain and fail to mention that to my coach because I’m afraid he won’t let me do heavy squats and deadlifts that day. Damn right he wouldn’t have! I would have missed a PR of  a 165 lb squat for 8 reps. So what? I would have done it another day. My own shortsightedness astounds me.  I would have pouted that I didn’t get to lift. And gotten over it. And I wouldn’t be writing this post.

Why the stupidity? Partly denial. Somewhere in my brain I’m a teenage boy with a young, invincible body. And partly a ferocious  desire to keep lifting, keep doing what I love, reach my big goals and the sooner the better. (One thing my coach *has* called me on, and rightly, is trying to accomplish in a year what other people work for 10 years on). Sadly and ironically, thinking I could just push through one more workout has sidelined me for, well, I don’t know for how long. Certainly long enough that my big goals for the year, and for the long term (2013 Arnold) are likely shattered. I don’t know if I’ve cried more tears because of the physical pain the last few days –which has been the worst I’ve ever experienced — or because of the heartbreak of not getting back under a heavy weight in the foreseeable future, the loss of my passion that drives me every day.

But if I think about that I will never get anywhere. So it’s time to find out how strong I really am. Am I strong enough to do the rehab work that will get me back to a point where I can start over? Am I strong enough and humble enough to go back to beginning weights when I get to that point?  It’s time to find out what I’m really made of. Let’s hope I can show that I’m not really just a dumbass.


8 thoughts on “Be a badass, not a dumbass

  1. 😦 I’m so sorry to hear about your set back Dana. That truly sucks.

    But you’re not a dumbass, you’re just human. With time you will recover… and with time you’ll be better and stronger than ever!

  2. My thoughts are with you, Dana! So, so sorry to hear you’re in such pain. You are strong in more ways than one and I know you’ll come out on the other side, more focused, determined and incredible than ever.

    • Thank you Anna. I hope you’re as good at cheering me on through stretches so painful I think I’m going to pass out (no lie) as you are at cheering me through heavy lifts. I hope even more you’ll learn from my mistakes and not go through anything like this yourself!

      • Trust me… I will be cheering! I know you’ll get through this and I want to say how much I appreciate you writing down your experience for others to read and learn from. It’s sobering to see you in that much pain and I know I’m not the only one who took a little extra time to stretch and listen to my body at the gym tonight. Hang in there!

  3. I’m still fairly new to this lifting thing, so this is a great reminder to me. I can’t imagine the emotional pain burdening you as well as dealing with the extreme physical pain! Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.

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